Past Expression

ABERTAWE

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Past Expression

Words are said to be a gateway to a man's soul, but man often is only throwing out the trash.

Humbled

In this secret life I hide myself
I lie awake at night with thoughts of revealing all
A constant deprssion holds it's place in my life
Of a truth that others appall
Lies and deceit seem to follow my every move
Those most trusted are the ones I tend to lose
Love once pushed these thoughts from my mind
But now it aids them for it's me they chastise
I run but my feet grow weary, my breath becomes short
I barracade myself in but the beating still gives pain
My walls are passed by kind words and cordial gestures
I am betrayed by that which I was first tempted by
At times the pain is so strong I crumble and cry
And speak of things that make humble the strongest
I regret the feelings I have created in my heart
And now I must concede as my hopes are dashed apart

Love?

What must I do to be loved?
The love I have I show love to but only ignorance to I keep in return.
From what does love spring that I may feel this love from my love from her heart.
for while I love thus I cannot love another and now my love is felt not by any of consequence.
Can I lose this love or at least find another to replace the love that I am denied?
No, I respond in anger and depression, for a lover's love holds stronger than any force contrary and there can never be a greater love than that of the first.
It is as a weld for when the metal is broken and mended the iron is still not as strong as it was as when first cast.
I search for love in all women but only find any in the one in which my love was chided and so I love in no but mourn for what love was loved in my time w/ my love.
I deny any love that comes to me for fear of betraying my love or having it me.
What for do i attempt to love in a love that fights my very presence but that that I find no comfort in avoiding.
And though I notice small pleasure found in my presence, I see even more joy partaken by during my absence.
Therefore I retreat into my shadows and seclude my very being, hoping that my love craves my affection and in my absence I reveal to her a true affection that she holds for me.

Effort

Firmly planted, reinforced
Salvation shows the only course
To be so strong as not to sway
Yet keep on walking the narrow way
When others burdens cause them to fall
He offers to take not some but all
To be as Christ should be our goal
And as for our reward, He'll give tenfold

Morning

Both forward and behind
The past I led was mine
And though against my Lord I sinned
Against me He wont condescend
His love for me, none to compare
Salvation neither just nor fair
For all my sins, both small and great,
And shown towards others unbridled hate
"I am not worthy"
A phrase not foreign
For in this sin, I first was born
Forgiveness was a term I mocked
My fate, I thought, forever locked
Blood so human and yet of God
Power potent as if a rod

Entrapped

My eyes are set
They will not move
Locked in the beauty
Of which they were wooed

Entrapped by her face
So innocent and sweet
Upon leaving this place
Deaths face would I meet

With a smile on her face
She rips a great hole
Tearing down into the depths
Of my already weakened soul

The Dark Mirror

It shows my true self
My greed for mans wealth
My lust for the things of this world
I cannot deny, nor can I hide
My need to know things I dont know
It opens my heart
Takes my defenses apart
And leaves me open to the things that I loathe
It will not leave me alone
Till the things I am shown
Pull me back into the darkness

Terrors Prey

I order torture night and day
I kill if one will not obey
An ally have I found in fear
A friend have I not held so dear

I destroy people with my lies
Cutting through all family ties
I take the love that's made within
And destroy the bond amoung one's kin

The darkness of my person spreads
Waking men up from their beds
Dreams of terror fill their minds
As they see their light no longer shines

Overshadowed

Am I alone inside this world?
This my past now calls to me
From hell these voices lead me on
Deceit echoes through the mind I see
All I hear are plans gone wrong
Depression's penalties at me are hurled
Around me people laugh and sing
As of provoked by a higher being
Far from it all alone I stand
In the darkness of the shadowlands.

Confused

Two alone and standing by each other
Both together bound by love
Yet shows affection toward another
Not yet revealing their true feelings
Friends face to face by my God's dealings
In my mind these things I see
But none have been revealed to me

Summer's eve

The fun is over
School has begun
Time to wake up in the morning
Before the dawning of the sun

Homework is given
Time is spend before it comes
If this is called living
Rebellion it soon becomes

The classes are long
The days are short
And when the work is finished
Sleep gives the strength to wake-up

End

Although I've suffered long and hard
Without a victory have I been scared
Left alone, Backed up by none
The friendship have I lost of one
Pity was the Driving force
From her, what else could be the source
I tried to stay behind but near
But now alone I'm standing here
An end to hurt is all I seek
Disappointment has reached it's peak
My time has all too long been wasted
This friendship has not too soon been ended

Doubt

Theft and distrust lurks in the hearts of all men
Why then do only few follow it?
Why are those that love most are dealt back equal hurt?
Pain, suffering, depression follows all attacks
Victims are traumatized and the guilty is scarred
Words offer neither comfort nor a way out
If penalties are here to lead us strait
Why then are they crooked in their own idiom?
Life deals joy and pain,
But where is a merciful God?
He stands at the end willing you to stand
He calls your foul and turns you around
He lets your future come early,
And shows how bad it could become
But then He shows the life
The reality before you stands as a shadow
Which can be passed through with little effort,
And is dispersed with the smallest presence of light.

Down

All things considered
Suicide in line
Things are growing short
Especially my time

Rejection haunts me day and night
To others, my life seems a pathetic sight
Feelings for one are all I keep
She controls my thoughts in nights keep
Her face I see throughout the day
Only God can make a way

Dreams and hopes of one adored
All these things I thoroughly mourned
Not believing the chance will come
To be a closer friend to one

Opportunity

Forgive and forget, your chance was given
You chose the enjoyment of worldly living
Again he offered the chance to serve
You thought your riches were what you deserved
A final opportunity came
Of human pleasures to abstain
"No", you said that fateful day,
"Another chance will come my way"
And after you left the church that night
A gun was pulled during a fight
And as Jesus called your name
He asked if you could now explain.

Enigma

What keeps me living?
What shows me truth?
What goes on giving
To make enjoyable my youth?

Questions unanswered
Facts unknown
Its like a cancer
Never leaving me alone

My mind will not rest
I have given my best
But I cannot know if I will succeed
The answer is hidden
The road is unlit
Now the journey must end

Consciousness

Dreams first thought of
Dreams untold
To show heaven alone
As destiny will unfold

The dreamers dream
The seers thought
How unimportant it seems
The feelings you have sought

No strength of power
No thing of beauty
Fills the great hole
Left by the unknown

Minds

Hatred fills my heart with joy
All things I was taught are void
Voices in my head
Screams from the dead
Nothing is held sacred

My thoughts put fear in the hearts of men
Death pours from my fountain pen
My words are lies
They never die
And darkness takes its form

Knowledge

"Am I my brother's keeper"
Was once asked by a man
And though he was a scholar
He did not understand

As they who show their knowledge
Through scientific myths
Making eternal pledges
To reject God's precious gifts

Those who follow closely
Blinded by the one in front
Not seeing their descent
The downward slope has just begun

Morals slowly worn away
Like chalk when rubbed on slate
Though God has not revealed the day
He has already set the date.

Warchimes

Frightened voices fill my mind
A sanctuary can I not find
Tortured by the screams within
Created by the reign of sin

Without a home the spirits roam
Looking for a purpose
They will not rest
They will try their best
to find the road to sleep

Haunting men throughout the night
The spirit world creates a fight
With mortal men
And God's pure light

Unseen

Destined the two of us to be
Never more than friends only
A lie not only told to me
The biggest crock you'll ever see

Fear now reigns her saddened heart
The fear that tears families apart
Darkened days now all she sees
One man's love is all she needs

Abuse she first took from her father
Now self imposed, not from another
Cannot one man look past her beauty
For in her eyes she is not worthy

Oddity

Things are looking up
I need not to complain
Homework is great
School I don't hate
I think I've gone insane

The fumes are getting to my head
In seconds I will soon be dead
Assignments I have not yet read
I think I'll go to sleep instead

Repress/suppress, they don't much differ
Keep your upper lip stiffer
you cry, you die, we all are bitter
Situp, let's do it for the gipper


Good poetry is never from the words you use or the rhythm and rhyme put into it. Good poetry only comes from bringing the thoughts of one's heart into light for others to observe. In truth is poetry great, and when written with the very tears of your heart, it becomes a masterpiece.